Down Under
by Jackaroo
Summary: A little bit of australiana in stargate. Semi-OC story. Don't worry if you're not a fan - I prefer writing original fiction, but figured I'd dig this out of the archives in case anyone out there actually found it funny. You never know.


Jack flew out of the Stargate and crash-landed on the platform with a resounding 'thud'. He skidded a little before rolling down some rough stairs that he could have sworn weren't supposed to be there. As he hit one step after another, there was a crunch - pain flaring in his right shoulder. Doctor Fraiser was not going to be pleased.

"Ow!"

"You okay, Sir?"

"I'll be fine. How are you doing, Major?"

"I think I might have sprained my ankle, nothing too serious though."

Sam got up and looked around.

"Where are the others?"

"I dunno, Teal'c went first and Daniel was right behind me."

"Daniel, Teal'c!"

There was a groan from the platform behind them. Daniel sat cradling his head in his hands.

"Has anyone ever told you not to take the phrase 'use your head' literally, Daniel?"

"Very funny, Jack. Someone should tell the General to put a safety net in the gate room."

He said, peering through the one good lens of his somewhat dented glasses.

Sam looked around the room before them, "This isn't the gate room, or if it is, someone's been doing some serious renovations while we were away. Where are we anyway?"

"I dunno, it looks like a cave of some sort."

"How very observant of you, Daniel. Just wonderful."

Jack moved his right shoulder experimentally, and was rewarded with a sharp stab of pain that spread down his arm and side whenever he tried to move it. Wincing as he got up, he went over to where Daniel was inspecting what remained of his

glasses.

"Everyone okay? Sam? Daniel, where's Teal'c?"

"He went through first, he should be right here...unless..."

"Unless what?"

"Unless the gate got blasted while we were in transit."

"Peachy, just peachy. Ow!"

"Are you okay, Colonel?"

"I'll be...fine, I hurt my shoulder, that's all. And don't you dare try to put a splint on it!"

"Are you sure? Maybe I should take a look at it..."

"No! Carter, I'll be fine. I just need to..."

"Shh!"

"What?"

"I heard something."

There was a noise coming from somewhere deeper in the cave.

"Shh! It sounds like someone's there."

There was a figure bent over a lamp, trying to light it with something that appeared to be a box of matches.

"Light! Damn you, light! This is the last time I bring an oil lamp instead of a torch.."

"Whoever it is isn't happy."

"Light, you decrepit piece of junk! Argh!"

The figure, who was evidently young, probably female, proceeded to swear at the lamp in about four different languages, commenting on it's parentage, what it was made of and what it would happen to it if it didn't light NOW, all the while trying to light

the battered old lamp while smearing some kind of ointment on her face.

"Daniel, care to translate?"

"Trust me, Jack, you don't want to know. Although her mouth should seriously be washed out with soap! And since when does a lamp have a mother?"

"Woah! I know what that means! Naughty! "

"Vituperative little thing, isn't she?"

"Huh?"

"Noisy."

"Oh, yeah"

With a cry of triumph as the lamp caught, the figure turned to face the intruders.

She glared at them accusingly.

"Are you the guys that turned that thing on?" She indicated the stargate.

Jack laid a restraining hand on Daniel's shoulder.

"Maybe."

"Yeah? Well, that's a hundred and five dollar hat you owe me!"

Jack looked where she was pointing to see what remained of a hat with the top two inches burned off.

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't leave your things lying in front of the gate!"

"It wasn't lying in front of the...what did you call it? Some kind of...gate?...It wasn't! I was! I was on the second step in front of that...thing...when it activated and scared the sh,...uh...living daylights out of me! It burns!"

Sam went rummaging through her backpack.

"I've got something for that if you want, let me just find it..."

"No need, I've got my own, which is, not to boast or anything, probably much more effective. You might want to put some on his shoulder. Here."

She tossed Sam a jar. Sam studied the jar carefully.

"What makes you think this is so much better amyway?"

"Leave your hand in jar of that for five minutes, and it'll go numb for hours. You have to be careful that you don't burn or cut your fingers after you get it all over your hands. Little or no feeling left in your fingers." She dug her nails into her palm as an example.

"If I'd had my hand in that any longer I'd barely be able to feel it if I stabbed myself. It would still hurt, just not as much, and I'm against self-mutilation anyway. Oh...um...who are you people?"

"Oh...we're..."

"Classified!"

"Colonel!"

"G'Day 'Classified', nice to meet you...no, really, who are you? Please?"

"Sir. It's not as if she's a security threat, she's just a kid..."

"Just a kid! Just a KID! I beg your pardon! First and foremost, I am deeply insulted that you could patronise me in such a way! I might only be seventeen but I have been studying by correspondence for the last two years, have passed biology, chemistry, basic medicine and am currently studying physics, among other things. Also, I am not JUST anything. Find me another seventeen-year-old that can treat any basic illnesses or injuries, and some of the not so basic, I might add, of herself and her own family! I'd tell you my average IQ too, but you probably wouldn't believe me!"

None of SG1 were particularly well-inclined to dealing with egos, let alone a bruised ego that large packed into the form of a 17-year-old girl, and so reacted as they felt the situation warranted. Sam looked slightly stunned. Daniel said benignly, "Could you repeat that?"

Jack, of course, burst out laughing.

They were greeted with the back of her head and another stream of incomprehensible cursing as she stalked out of the cave. Daniel followed cautiously about eight feet behind her.

She left the cave and sat on a ledge, watching the vista spread out below her.

"Beautiful view, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah, it sure is. So...what is your I.Q. anyway?"

"What?"

"Your I.Q."

"Oh. On average, 165."

"Really! Any...uh...hard evidence, you know, proof?"

Her eyes rolled heavenward as she turned to face him, "As much as I would absolutely relish the chance of an hour-long climb down to the car in the blazing midday sun, followed by a half-hour drive home in a boiling hot car in the aforementioned sun, to fetch some paperwork to prove that I'm smart!; When the Devil goes ice-skating!"

"Pardon?"

"I believe the parallel meaning would approximate: When hell freezes over. Duh."

"Ah."

He left her to her thoughts and went back to talk to Sam.

"Guess what."

"What?"

"If she's telling the truth and isn't a pathological liar, we just found someone who's at least as smart as you!"

"Funny, Daniel."

"And the wierdest thing this she talks like a mix between you and Jack, although mostly like you, only, well...annoying...and in this funny accent, I can't pick it yet."

"Well do you want the bad news or the bad news?"

"Surprise me."

"The DHD won't work and whatever power source they used isn't here anymore."

"And the other bad news?"

"That was it. No power source. We aren't going anywhere."

"Well, Campers, any idea where we are?"

"Have you tried asking her?"

"Uh...no. I don't think she likes me after I laughed at her."

"I'll go, Sir."

"Thanks, Carter."

Sam went out to talk to their erstwhile host.

"I know this might seem like a stupid question, but, where is this place?"

"You're on the seventh planet circling the primary star, known as Alpha, in a binary system. This continent is the only dry land on a water covered planet. This planet has two moons, which you can only see at night, which makes the tidal forces pretty strong. The population here is sparse and scattered, especially since those hostile Aliens knocked out our weather control system. Everything's been pretty dry."

"I'm so sorry."

"Just kidding! That gate thing, it's some kind of portal to other worlds, a goverment secret, Hmm?"

"Huh?"

"You americans! Your linguist buddy should have picked up on my 'accent', although I personally believe that I don't have an accent, you do. Ayway, You're on Earth. Welcome to Australia."

Sam got up to go inside and nearly ran headfirst into the colonel. Jack walked out and looked around.

"Well, it looks like we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto."

The girl turned to face Jack and grinned.

"The hell you ain't! Welcome to the land of Oz, Dorothy!"

"So that makes you what, a munchkin on steroids?"

The girl just looked up at him and raised one eyebrow.

Sam decided it was time to intervene.

"Well sir, do you want the good news or the bad news?"

"The good news."

"We're on earth."

"And the bad news?"

"We're in Australia, we're on the wrong side."

"Not from where I'm standing."

"Do you mind?"

The girl composed her features instantly.

"Forgive my impertinence, insolence and disrespect..." She peered at his uniform, "Colonel, Sir, but it seems I have a tendency to be cranky after nearly being killed. Particularly after nearly getting killed by a machine of obvious extra-terrestrial origins, that had not activated up to this point, unless you count the time where I tried to hook it up to a car battery. It turned and lit up for about five seconds before the battery blew up. But that's irrelevant..."

Sam interrupted.

"Wait a minute. You're saying you hooked the Stargate up to a car battery?"

"I attempted to do so. As I may have previously mentioned, the attempt failed. Fortunately, I was wearing protective gear at the time, and was uninjured."

"And you're actually expecting me to believe that you managed to turn it on? Do you know what would have happened if you had accidently blown up the stargate? The naquadah in the gate alone would be enough to pretty much wipe out half the earth! Or if not wipe out earth, It'd make a pretty big dent!"

"I had just turned sixteen! I thought I was invincible. Obviously I've since learned otherwise, and besides, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Sam's mouth hung open in disbelief. Jack grabbed Sam by the shoulder and pulled her aside.

"Could you excuse us for a minute?"

"Be my guest."

She turned her back on them, walked about three metres away, sat down leaning against a boulder and stared at nothing. Jack turned to talk to Sam as Daniel came out of the cave.

"Did I miss anything?"

"We're in Australia."

"Ah, that explains the accent."

"Apparently she doesn't have an accent, according to her, we do."

"Of course she'd think that. Anyone have any idea who she is, and can we trust her?"

"It doesn't seem like we have much of a choice. And I think it's a little to late to use the 'we're aliens trying to find our way home' trick. I get the feeling she wouldn't believe us."

The sound of someone clearing their throat made Jack turn around.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to listen to other peoples conversations, or to not sneak up on people?"

"Yes, no, I wasn't listening and I didn't sneak up. I merely approached...quietly."

"Yeah, sure. My name's Colonel Jack O'Neill, this is Major Sam Carter and this is Doctor Daniel Jackson, SG1."

"SG...something to do with this stargate, right?"

"How do you jump to conclusions so quickly?"

"I don't know, I just do. My name's Kaila Naru, nice to meet you all."

"The pleasure's ours. What kind of name is Naru anyway?"

"You'd have to ask my father. He changed his name to Naru when he married my mother. I assume it was my mother's maiden name. I don't know why he changed it."

"Yeah, well anyway, Kayla..."

"It's Kaila, 'i' not 'ay'."

"Sorry, as I was saying, do you have a phone or any way we can contact our base? They're probably worried about us by now."

"You'll probably be able to ring them from my house. But first, sir,"

She pointed an accusing finger at Jack.

"You need to have your shoulder looked at,"

She pointed at Sam,

"You need to take your weight off that ankle and bandage it up,"

She turned to Daniel,

"And you probably have a mild concussion. Do you want me to help you or not?"

"Excuse me?"

"Like I said, I'm kind of a field medic, kind of."

"Ah...it's not that we don't trust you..."

"It's just that you don't believe me. Fine. Tell you what,"

She turned to Sam.

"How about you let me strap your ankle and you can question me until you're certain that I'm telling you the truth, and can keep an eye on me."

"...Okay..."

"Good. Now if you could please show me where your first aid kit is..."

She followed Sam back inside.

Jack and Daniel followed a few minutes later.

Jack walked over to where Sam was sitting on a rock with her left foot resting on one of their packs, while Kaila rummaged through a first aid kit.

"Well Sam, is she lying?"

"No sir."

Sam seemed a little bemused.

"I can't fault her, sir, in anything. Granted she has a lot more to learn about physics, but what she does know is accurate, I don't really want to ask her more about math as we could be here for hours, and she knows more than I do about medicine."

Kaila passed Sam a couple of painkillers.

"You probably wouldn't need these, but if we're climbing down to the car in a few hours, it might be a good idea."

"Thanks, and that salve of yours is really effective. What do you put in it?"

"You're welcome. Can't tell you what I put in the salve though,"

She put her finger to her nose in a conspiritorial manner.

"It's a secret."

"Ah."

"Look, if you need me, I'll just be over there preparing for my impending doom."

Jack walked over to the steps and sat down, wincing at the pain in his shoulder.

Kaila waited until he was out of earshot."Major, I need you to do me a favour."

Sam looked at her dubiously, "Okay...What is it?"

"By the looks of it, the colonel's dislocated his shoulder. I need you to provide a distraction."

"What do you want me to do? Slap him?"

"Ah...no. I want you to sneak up behind him, hold him firmly here," She scratched the right side of her neck, " And here," She touched her left shoulder briefly. " Then I want you to bite him on the ear."

"What!"

"Shh! Just trust me, okay?"

"...okay...but..."

"Trust me."

Kaila walked over to where Jack was sitting and knelt behind him to examine his shoulder.

"Well, sir, let's see what we have here." She took a firm hold of his shoulder.

Sam carefully snuck up behind him and did as requested.

"Hey, Carter... Hey!" His tone quickly changed to surprise as she bit him on the left ear.

" Ow! What do you think you're..."

Kaila quickly pushed his shoulder back into place.

"Ahhh! OW! You could have told me! OW!"

"Quit your howling! Your shoulder popped back into place quite smoothly."

"You call that smoothly!" He rubbed his shoulder.

She waved a knife in front of his nose.

"So sir, do want to lose the whole shirt? Or just around the shoulder? You can't take it off over your head without risking your arm popping out again, and I need to bandage you up."

"Just around the shoulder, thanks. Haven't you got a pair of scissors?"

"Sure, but this is quicker. Now sit still."

She slid the knife under the shirt at the collar and quickly sliced up across the shoulder and down the sleeve.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing? Be careful!"

She finished the cut and peeled the shirt back.

"There! I didn't even nick you!"

"Yet."

"That's it! I refuse to sit here and take this! You finish him!"

She thrust a jar of salve and a roll of bandages at Sam.

"Slather this on as a painkiller so you can immobilise his arm properly."

She walked away, muttering something about ungrateful wretches under her breath.

She went over to Daniel, who had been watching the proceedings with a slightly amused smile on his face.

"Glasses off please," Daniel took off his glasses and stuck them in his pocket.

"Well Doctor Jackson," she produced a flashlight and shone it in his eyes.

"Any headaches, dizziness or eye problems out of the ordinary?"

"Nope."

She switched the flashlight off.

"You're fine. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to make myself a cup of coffee."

She paused after a couple of steps and enquired, "Anyone for a coffee?"

There was a chorus of affirmatives from around the room.

"You'll have to excuse me, I ran out of sugar. The coffee's nice though, imported belgian stuff."

She walked over to where there was a small gas stove set up in one corner and proceeded to put some water on to boil.

"Have you got your own mugs?"

Sam rummaged through her pack and tossed hers over. Kaila caught it in one hand and then caught Daniel's in her other hand and proceeded to juggle with them.

"Okay, sir. On the count of three I want you to toss that mug to my right hand. One, two, three, go."

Jack tossed her his mug.

She caught it and managed to keep juggling the mugs for about a minute until one of them hit her in then the head and she promptly dropped the lot of them.

"Ow." She bent down and picked the mugs up.

"It's amazing what you learn when you spend most of your childhood with workmen and wanderers."

She made the coffees and handed them out, before sitting down with her own.

Jack sat down across from her. Sam and Daniel sat down on either side of him.

"You're a military brat, aren't you?"

"Sort of. I was in the military, and I've been told I'm a brat, so yeah."

"I thought you said you were only seventeen?"

"They made an exception in my case. I was only there for basic training and crunching numbers in a lab. I left my resignation on my desk last month and went awol."

"You're a deserter?"

"Yes, sir, I suppose I am."

"Why did you leave?"

Her face clouded over for a moment.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

She took a sip of her coffee, stirring in some powdery substance.

"I thought you ran out of sugar?"

"It's not sugar."

Jack raised an eyebrow questioningly.

She rolled her eyes.

"It's not illegal, and before you ask, you can't have any; there's none left."

"I wasn't going to. I just wanted to know what it is, that's all."

"Don't ask me, my parents kind of found it."

Sam leaned forward.

"What do you mean by 'found it'?"

"The plant this substance comes from, they found it out in the bush somewhere. Some rare plant derivitive, mild stimulant."

"Stimulant?"

"Like caffeine, nothing nasty. It helps me study."

"Do you want to elaborate on that?"

"Nope. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go study. In private. I can't concentrate if anyone's watching."

She pulled a couple of big books out of her bag, took the lamp and headed off down a passageway deeper into the cave.

Jack waited until the lamp dissapeared around the corner and got up to follow.

"Sir, we shouldn't intrude on her privacy, she's our only way out of here."

"There's something going on here and I want to find out what."

Daniel stood up and laid a restraining hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Think about it, Jack. She's our best hope of contacting General Hammond, and in case you haven't noticed, we don't have any passports. And unless you brought our Visas with you, as of right now we're illeegal immigrants."

Jack relented and sat back down.

"Okay, but I tell you, there's something wierd about that girl."

Sam grinned.

"Like what? I think you're just cranky 'cause she's only seventeen and she's way smarter than you'll ever be."

She sobered at a glare from her commanding officer.

"Sorry sir. In fact, if it's any consolation, she might be smarter than me too."

Daniel looked momentarily incredulous.

"Oh great. So where does that put me?"

"Don't worry Daniel. It doesn't mean we're any less intelligent, it just means she's one of those super-genius kids."

Jack looked rather disgruntled.

"Yeah well, genius or not, I still say there's something wrong with her."

Sam just rolled her eyes.

"There is!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Jack, but weren't you exactly the same way towards Sam when she first joined SG1? Why should you condemn her," Daniel pointed in the direction Kaila had gone. "For wanting to...increase her knowledge?"

"I'm telling you, the kid's wierd."

Daniel threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Oh I give up! If you're so insistent on being suspicous and disliking her because she's smart for her age, then be that way!"

"Fine! We need to get out of here and contact the SGC. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to go ask her, politely, if we could get going."

Jack got up and headed down the passageway. A moment later, Daniel and Sam got up and went after him.

Sam nearly ran into the back of Jack as she came round the corner.

"Shh!"

"What sir?"

"Look."

Jack pointed to where Kaila sat in the middle of the floor. She sat crosslegged with a textbook open in her lap. As they watched, she scanned down and turned the page in a matter of seconds. Her eyes were moving to fast to follow as she read faster and faster, only limited by how quickly she could turn the page.

Sam's jaw dropped.

"She can't possibly be reading and comprehending that, let alone remember it. It's not possible! And what's that device on her head?"

The device was wrapped around her head like a wire net, from her forehead back to behind her ears. The crystals enmeshed in the wire pulsated slightly as she flicked through the pages. Suddenly, she closed the book, took the device off her head, wrapped it up in a square of cloth and stuck it in her pocket. After fiddling with her watch for a moment, she lay down and went to sleep. Jack, Sam and Daniel backed out quietly and went back to the main part of the cave.

"See! I told you she was wierd!"

"So what are we going to do?"

"We contact General Hammond and we get the hell out of here."

"Wait a minute, Jack. What about her?"

"What about her?"

"She's a danger to us as long as she knows about the stargate. And you saw how she jumps to conclusions. What if she decides we're a threat and reports us to the authorities?"

"I have to agree with Daniel on this one, sir. You saw that device she was using; She's a security threat! For all we know she could be a Goa'uld!"

"I doubt it. There wasn't any entry scar. You and Jack might not have noticed but she walks with a limp. If she was a goa'uld she would have been healed of any injury like that. It doesn't neccessarily mean she's human, I mean, your average human isn't...like that."

"So what do you say we do? Kill her? Threaten her? What?"

"Respectfully, sir, I think we should take her back with us."

"No! Absolutely not! A teenager on base? A super-smart teenager on base? Not a chance in hell! And besides, the kid's a smartass!"

Sam just looked at him. Daniel grinned.

"Sir, in the interests of security..."

"No way! You just want her to come with us so you can have your own little prodigy and you and Fraiser can have someone else to mother! No, and that's final!"

"No what? Whose mother?"

The bleary-eyed girl emerged from the passage.

"None of your business!" Jack snapped.

"You don't have to be so cranky! You woke me up. We can leave now if you want."

"Fine! After you." Jack motioned for the girl to precede him.

The girl packed up some of her gear and the gas stove and stashed it on a shelf carved out of the cave wall. The rest she shoved in a pack, along with the lamp, slung it over her shoulder and walked out of the cave. Jack, Sam and Daniel paused for a moment, before grabbing their packs and following.

"Sir, I feel like we're forgetting something," Sam said quietly as she followed the colonel out of the cave.

"Get in contact with Hammond, arrange a lift back to base, worry about the kid later, okay?"

"Yes sir."

The girl stopped and waited for them to catch up.

"Okay. Now the path down, if you can call it that, is a bit of a scramble. Be careful."

She proceeded down a narrow track that wound back and forth down the slope. As they continued down the track, it became obvious to the three behind her that she favoured her left ankle.

Hoping to find out more about their mysterious companion, Sam asked, "What happened to your leg?"

Nonchalantly, Kaila shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh, I shot myself in the foot."

Jack was incredulous.

"You what!"

"I was attacked by a wild dog. It had it's jaws around my ankle. The only weapon I had to defend myself was my father's shotgun. So I shot it in the head. The bullet went clean through the animal's cranium and out the other side. Then through my boot and lodged between the bones in my foot. I staunched the bleeding, then radioed my Da to come and pick me up. Got the bullet out, flew in to the hospital by chopper for some stitches and reconstructive surgery and a month later I was back on my feet again. Ever since my disaster with the only gun I've fired outside of a firing range, I've carried a stockwhip and a hunting knife with me. I can't shoot to save myself, figuratively and literally. Although I can crack a cigarette out of a man's mouth from two to three metres away, depending on the whip. I can throw knives pretty well too, thanks to my father. But just don't ever give me a gun."

Jack snorted. "Yeah, sure."

"You don't believe me?"

"Your...stories...are a bit far-fetched, I gotta say."

Kaila stopped where the path leveled out. She bent down and lifted up the leg of her jeans, pushing the sock down to expose a row of jagged teeth marks and scarring.

Jack winced. "Ouch."

"No kidding. If you still don't believe me I can show you the bullet wound too."

"Ah, no thanks. Did you really shoot yourself in the foot?"

"Yes. However amusing the concept may seem now, it wasn't very funny at the time."

"I can imagine."

She remained silent and nobody spoke for the rest of the climb down.

When they got to the car, Jack was rather dismayed to see that it was a somewhat rusty ute with only two seats in the front.

"Okay campers, who wants to sit in the front?"

Kaila stepped forward. "Excuse me?"

"I'll drive." Jack looked down at her and held his hand out expectantly.

"Keys?"

"I don't think so."

Jack stood his ground."I'll drive."

Kaila planted her feet, pointed a finger at his chest and glared defiantly up at him.

"With all due respect, sir." She punctuated each word by poking him in the chest, "This is my hemisphere, my country, my property and my car."

She planted her hands on her hips.

"I'm driving."

"Fine. I'll sit in the passenger seat."

"Fine."

She jumped in the driver's seat, put her seatbelt on and slammed the door with unnecessary force.

Jack turned to the others.

"You guys mind riding in the back?"

"Fine with us."

Daniel and Sam climbed into the back while Jack went round and climbed in the passenger side.

Kaila drummed impaitiently on the steering wheel.

"Can we go now?"

Jack buckled his seatbelt.

"Sure."

She turned the ignition, released the handbrake and reversed down the slope. She swung the car around a hundred and eighty degrees before slowly heading off downhill. As she manouvered slowly through the trees, Jack looked at the speedometer.

"Can't this thing go any faster?"

"With two people in the tray, heading downhill and dodging trees at the same time? I'm not going to go any faster."

"So, can this thing go any faster?"

"In flood, bog or hailstorm, this car's really reliable; But, go over eighty on a freeway and it'll conk out on you."

"Oh, great."

"Sarcasm is the last resort for the feeble-minded." She glanced significantly at him.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. Not a thing."

"You use it."

Jack remained silent for a while after that.

They turned onto a dirt road. Kaila increased speed as they drove through the dust.

Jack looked at the road before them.

"How long have you had your drivers licence? You're driving on the wrong side of the road."

She ignored him.

"We should be there soon."

"The sooner the better."

"The sooner you can get away from me, you mean. For your information, you're not exactly the best of company, either."

"If you're in the military, you should know not to talk back to your superior officers. With your attidude problem, it's no wonder you quit."

Kaila's jaw was set in a stubborn line as she pulled over to the side of the road.

"Look. I didn't quit the military because I didn't get on with people; I left for reasons I'd rather not talk about, least of all with you! Now you can either stop bothering me or get the hell out of the car and walk!"

"You know, I think I'll do that!"

He got out of the car, slammed the door behind him and stormed off down the road.

"Be my guest!" She yelled after him.

Sam climbed out of the back, went round the front, glanced after the retreating figure of Jack and looked at Kaila. Kaila kept her statement neutral.

"He decided to walk."

Sam sighed.

"I'll go after him."

"Wait! Take these with you."

She tossed Sam a couple of canteens.

"Don't forget to rest, and find some shade. Just head straight down the road, you can't miss the house, it's on a hill."

Sam nodded and headed after Jack.

"Colonel, wait!"

Jack waited until Sam had caught up before heading off down the road.

Kaila watched the two walk off and turned to Daniel.

"Any objections?"

"Not from me."

"Great. You can sit in the front if you want."

Daniel climbed in the front and shut the door.

"So I take it you and Jack didn't get along."

"You could say that. You could also say that 'Colonel Jerk O'Neill' is a pushy dumbass; And no, I don't mind if you tell him I said that, in fact, please do."

Daniel stayed quiet.

As they slowly drove past Jack and Sam, Kaila yelled out to Sam, "Rest in twenty minutes, okay?"

Jack she patently ignored.

After about ten minutes walking, Sam asked, " Well sir, do you want to tell me what that was all about?"

"If that kid thinks she can push me around, she's got another thing coming."

Sam paused for a moment.

"Well, sir, she probably feels the same way about you. I mean, if she's had a bad experience in the military..."

Jack opened his mouth to interrupt, then reconsidered.

"Go on..."

Sam continued.

"As I was saying, if she's had a bad experience in the military, the last thing she wants is to take orders from anyone in authority."

Jack considered this for a moment.

"What makes you think that she had a 'bad experience', anyway? How do you know that it wasn't her attitude that got her kicked out?"

"Sir, do you remember how she reacted when you asked her about it? She looked upset, remorseful, almost scared of something. If she'd been kicked out because of something she did, she might have been upset, angry even, but afraid? I mean, think about it. We don't know what she's been through."

Jack said nothing. Sam continued.

"Anyway, we should stop and rest soon."

"Are you gonna take advice from a kid?"

"Well, she's might be young, but when it's good advice, yes, I'll take it. We should find some shade."

Jack glanced down at her ankle for a moment before agreeing.

"Okay, but not for long. I just hope Daniel finds out more about that kid, like what she's doing out in the middle of nowhere."

Meanwhile Kaila and Daniel turned off the road and headed up the dusty driveway towards her house. It was an old 'Queenslander' on blocks, built above the ground. They parked outside the house. Kaila jumped out.

"There's no place like home." She walked up to the verandah, Daniel trailing behind.

"Nice house. You said you lived with your father? Where is he?"

She tilted her head to the side.

"Thanks. I don't really live with my father. I drop in, pick up supplies and have been 'walkabout' for most of the time since I got back. I leave notes for him while I'm here, but the less he knows about my whereabouts, the less he can tell anyone else. And in any case, ever since my mother died we haven't been very close."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. Sh...uh, bad stuff happens. Can't do anything about it now, so no sense in dwelling on the past."

"That's an interesting philosophy."

She grinned at him as she unlocked the screen door.

"That philosophy, as you so aptly called it,"she continued as she went inside and headed toward the kitchen, "can be summarised into four words. You'll hear it a lot 'round here."

"And that is?"

She turned around and gave him the thumbs-up gesture. She grinned.

"She'll be right, mate!"

"Ah."

Depositing her pack on the floor, she walked over to the fridge and opened the door, taking out an unmarked bottle.

She grabbed two glasses off a shelf and poured herself a drink. The liquid was a cloudy, semi-transparent grey. Lifting the glass to her lips, she downed it in two gulps. She set the glass down with a sigh of satisfaction.

"I needed that. Want a drink?"

She indicated the bottle with a slight smile.

Daniel, always ready to try something new, replied, "Sure."

She poured him half a glass and waited for his reaction as he took a swig.

Daniel swallowed the drink. A moment later the blood drained from his face and he started to gasp and splutter.

Kaila howled with laughter, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes, as his eyes bulged and his face turned bright red. She continued to laugh so hard at his plight that she fell backwards off her stool and lay on the floor gasping for breath between bursts of laughter. She stood up and righted her stool as he regained his composure.

"The first time I left a bottle of that stuff in the fridge for my father to try, I came back and the bottle was still almost full with a note attatched. It said: 'Thanks, but next time you want to kill me, try something more subtle.' He never tried any of my 'concoctions' after that; his loss."

Daniel cleared his throat. "Ahem, what do you put in that?"

She poured herself another glass and sipped it.

"Oh I can't tell you that. Trade Secret. But there's no actual alcohol in it," She indicated the bottle, "More?"

Daniel paled slightly at the prospect.

"Ah, no thanks. One near-death-experience per day is enough."

"Suit yourself."

She took an appreciative swig of her drink.

"Ah, good stuff."

Daniel eyed the bottle suspiciously.

"Yes, well. I'm sure Jack would appreciate it more than I do."

Her mouth turned up at the edges.

"You don't say..."


End file.
